The benefits of becoming more assertive

1. When it comes to our business and personal relationships, I think many of the problems faced by too nice people can be solved by becoming more assertive. Nice people are great. They are nice and easy going. They're fun to be around (at least for a while). They also make you feel better about yourself.

1. But being nice can also be very annoying because nice people sometimes lie too. They tell you things about you that are not true, but they do so because they don't want to hurt you. They don't say things to you that they should say because they don't want trouble. Many of their actions are also guided by their self-interest. By that I mean that their kindness has more to do with how others feel about them - and especially their concern that other people don't like them - than it has to do with genuine care and interest in the other person.

There is a price to pay to be liked

1. Before I get accused of putting all people on the same page, I want to make a distinction. Not all 'nice' people fit the picture I just sketched. Many nice people are also sincere, caring, and genuinely interested in other people. Rather than characterizing these people as just 'fun', I should probably criticize the action of 'being nice' in itself.

2. Before I get accused of putting all people on the same page, I want to make a distinction. Not all 'nice' people fit the picture I just sketched. Many nice people are also sincere, caring, and really interested in other people. Rather than characterizing these people as just 'fun', I should probably criticize the action of 'being nice' in itself.

1. I think there is a huge difference between being nice in order to just be nice (so as not to cause conflict, for example) and the people who are really good. A mark of goodness includes being nice, but it goes much deeper. Just being nice is a facade that masquerades as well, but does not reach its depth.

1. When we're just being nice, we're telling others to maintain our own integrity and improve our relationships, not the things we should be saying. For example, if someone does something that hurts us, we don't tell them because we want to be nice or because we want them to like us. When someone's actions (or lack thereof) begins to destroy our team, kindness can prevent us from confronting them with what they are doing and the problem will spread.

1. However, when we are really good, when we really care about the other, we dare to say what we should say. We dare to stand up for ourselves when someone hurts us or gets our team into trouble. We dare to say what needs to be said and we do that not only for ourselves but because we care about the other and really want to help them to grow further.

2. However, when we are really good, when we really care about the other, we dare to say what we should say. We then dare to stand up for ourselves if someone hurts us or gets our team into trouble. We dare to say what needs to be said and we do that not only for ourselves but because we care about the other and really want to help them to grow further.

1. The problem is that nice people are often really nice too. Nice people like to be nice. Nice people often have trouble saying and doing difficult things because they believe that by saying or doing those things, they will no longer be liked. Assertiveness is the key to helping nice people make the transition from being nice to being good.

2. The problem is that nice people are often really nice too. Nice people like to be nice. Nice people often have a hard time saying and doing difficult things because they believe that by saying or doing those things, they will no longer be liked. Assertiveness is the key to helping nice people make the transition from being nice to being good.

1. One of the things that being assertive does and just being nice doesn't is that it allows us to say and do things within our relationships that make sense, richer, and more satisfying. will make. The best relationships are those where we come together as equals and where we recognize the best in the other but also identify their weaknesses and limitations. At the same time, we will also understand our own strengths and weaknesses. Letting these challenges and obstacles work together makes our relationships meaningful. And you can't do that if you just want to be nice all the time.

2. One of the things that being assertive does and just being nice doesn't, is that it allows us to say and do things within our relationships that make it more meaningful, richer, and more satisfying. will make. The best relationships are those where we come together as equals and where we recognize the best in the other but also identify their weaknesses and limitations. At the same time, we will also understand our own strengths and weaknesses. Letting these challenges and obstacles work together makes our relationships meaningful. And you can't do that if you just want to be nice all the time.

1. Becoming more assertive can give us the tools we need to get along with other people in our lives, to say the things we need to say, and to do the things we need to do. to enrich our lives and maybe even make this planet a little better. Assertiveness allows us to be really good and not just nice.

2. Becoming more assertive can give us the tools we need to move forward with other people in our lives, to say the things we need to say, and to do the things we to enrich our lives and maybe even make this planet a little better. Assertiveness allows us to be really good and not just nice.

1. Now it must be said that there is a difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Aggressive people can dominate nice people. You see this in dysfunctional relationships. Aggressive people, regardless of the consequences or damage they can do, just say whatever they want. They don't worry about the other, they just want to go their own way and express their feelings. You could think of these aggressive people as a two-year-old who gets into a tantrum to get his way. That's how some aggressive people are, but others are bullies, who use intimidation tactics to achieve their own goals.

1. Some of these people may not realize what they are doing and are acting out of habit or conditioning (this may be normal in the environment in which they grew up). In these cases, assertiveness can help them learn to see what they are doing and how it hurts other people in their lives and also how it strains their relationships. Being assertive to these types of people is necessary if we really care about them because it is the only way to make them see the reality of their actions. Telling them the truth in a caring and strategic way may be the only thing that can help them grow out of their intimidation tactics and become a contributing and functional member of the organization, relationship and society at large.

1. Other people are aggressive because they want to be. They deliberately intimidate and bully in order to dominate others and position themselves at the top of the dominance hierarchy. You can characterize these types of people as 'malicious', especially if you know their motivation to do what they do. In these cases, assertiveness is even more important because it allows you to stand up for yourself and refuse to be dominated by an aggressive person. Assertiveness offers you the means to protect your own dignity and to stand up for your rights. Assertiveness in this case maintains and builds your integrity.

1. But how do we become more assertive? Here are four steps that can really help nice people grow and master the skill of assertiveness.

Develop self-confidence

1. One of the limitations that nice people often have that can prevent them from becoming more assertive has to do with their own self-esteem. Low self-esteem can prevent us from being assertive.

1. We don't want people to dislike us.

1. But if we let our self-esteem be determined by what other people think about us, we let them define our existence. When we are addicted to the opinions of others, it prevents what philosophers might call "our authentic way of being." We are not true to ourselves.

1. In order to move forward and not be held back by other people's opinions, we must have the courage to examine reality. You need to do a reality check of your self-esteem and consider how much you actually allow your life to be determined by the opinions of other people. Only when you recognize a shortcoming can you start building your own self-confidence

1. When you have better self-esteem and greater self-worth, other people's opinions don't matter much. When you develop greater confidence in yourself, you can, without fear of what other people might think, act, say and do what needs to be done.

Appreciate the other person

1. Another reason why we don't say and do the things we should do is that we really don't care about the other person. Think about it. If someone you know does something that you know is bad for them, shouldn't you tell them if you really care? We often hear the cliché that 'real' friends tell the truth - real friends, if you need to be called back, will. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't have "real" friends or those friends don't really like them.

1. When you really value someone, you really care about that person. When you really care about someone, you care more about their life and their future than about whether their feelings will get hurt or if they won't like you because you're telling them the truth. Sincerely appreciating someone means putting their interests before your own discomfort.

1. Put yourself in their shoes. If you were to bring yourself to destruction, even if it meant being angry or offended by that truth, wouldn't you want your friends to be honest with you? Most of us would say â € Yesâ € ™ to that, right? Most of us want our friends to tell the truth.

1. Of course there are also people who prefer to lie. Some people prefer not to know the truth about themselves because knowing that truth requires reflection, action, and maybe even a major life change. Many people would rather live in denial and that's a shame.

1. But the fact remains that truly appreciating someone else - truly caring about their life and their future - is the prerequisite for assertiveness. So that sometimes means that you really have to tell someone the truth.

Have courage

1. This quality is perhaps the most important obstacle to overcome. Most nice people would say they are confident. Most nice people would say that they do appreciate other people. Yet they are afraid. And if we're honest, difficult conversations are also pretty scary. Who knows what will happen? Who knows how the other person will react? Will they still like us? Will our relationship continue? Who knows what will happen when it's all over?

1. This insecurity can lead to fear, which paralyzes us and prevents us from doing and saying things that we should do and say. The only way to overcome fear is with courage. Have courage when your heart seems weak. That is real courage. Get yourself together when you really can't. That's courage. To take on that battle in the heat of the battle. That's courage.

1. Courage is the virtue, which is necessary in every other virtue. In other words, when we want to be virtuous, it takes courage. Honesty takes courage. Integrity takes courage. Character requires courage. And in this case, assertiveness also requires courage.

Implementing Assertiveness Techniques

1. One way that can help you overcome the fear that often prevents assertiveness is to learn some techniques to make assertiveness a little easier. Here are three techniques that can help you

1. Learn to personalize

1. Personalizing means imagining your communication from your own perspective instead of attributing it to someone else. This means using words from an â € I perspectiveâ € ™. So instead of saying "You're a jerk!", Say, "I don't feel respected talking to me that way."

1. The words we say and how we say them have a great emotional impact. Words that come from a â € youâ € ™ perspective are like a big finger pointing straight in someone's face and that immediately creates emotional barriers and often creates resilience in the other. Once this happens, it's no longer about the problem; it's about protecting the ego.

1. Treat the behavior instead of the individual

1. Building your conversation around the other person's specific actions also helps to avoid resilience. Again, if the other person gets defensive, the conversation can soon end. So when you address a flaw in the behavior, instead of assigning it to the person's character, it may be easier for them to see the flaw.

1. Look at it from a different perspective. When people tell us how bad we are, we can easily get defensive, angry, and mean. This puts a strain on our character! But if someone says that our behavior was inappropriate in a specific case, it has less emotional impact because, after all, we can adjust our behavior. It's much harder to change who we are as a person.

1. Use a template for assertiveness

1. These techniques can be developed into a template that can be used in assertiveness. This is how it works:

Make decisions faster

1. When asked a question, it is important that you answer it quickly. Doing this will keep you from overthinking it and change what your instinct tells you. For example, you still have a lot to do and you also want to exercise. If a friend asks you out, say â € Noâ € ™ right away because that's how you feel about it at the time.

Know what you want

1. Many people who feel that they are not being treated well by others often do not know what they want, so it is also difficult to stand up for themselves. It is important that you have a vision of what you want so that you can pursue it. For example, you can get promoted and that's what you want too. Then try to show your boss that you are the one who does all the work and deserves that position.

Set clear expectations

1. To be more assertive, you need to be clear about what to expect from yourself and others. If you're someone who is always a bit reserved, don't expect to rise to the top right away. Set clear goals and expect to pursue them at a steady pace so that you achieve what you deserve.

Overcome your fears

1. It is possible that one reason you are overlooked is that you prefer to be in the shade. When it comes to a presentation at work for which you've done everything necessary, don't let anyone else give your presentation. Overcome your 'stage fright' and sit at the front of that presentation. Don't forget that courage can save you.

Use body language to build confidence

1. Even if you find yourself in a situation where you don't feel confident, don't show it to anyone. Use body language to mask your true fears and create a confident atmosphere. Stand up straight, chin up, shoulders back and don't fiddle with clothes etc ...

Speak up well

1. When people are nervous and lack self-confidence, they tend to quickly start talking and mumbling and sometimes they make many mistakes with even the simplest words. It is much better that you speak confidently and clearly so that people can hear what you are saying. Avoid talking fast, because that really shows your lack of confidence.

Wear clothes that make an impression

1. Actually looks shouldn't matter, but the truth is it does. It is important to success that you dress appropriately. Make sure your clothes fit properly, are clean and in some cases ironed. You want to look more confident, which also gives you more confidence on the inside.

Set limits

1. If you feel like you are always left out, this can make you feel bad. I know, I've been there too. The first thing to do is set your boundaries and monitor them. You have to set rules for what is acceptable and where you want to draw the line. Consider these boundaries with family, friends, colleagues and also your boss. If you suddenly indicate your limit, it may surprise people. Which is good. Stick with it and do your best to be consistent. It helps if you can decide for yourself what is and isn't acceptable to you. For example, if you have a colleague who always tells you what to do, but it is just a colleague and not your boss or a manager, then it is time to oppose that. Of course you have to be able to function in a team, but it is another thing to keep following the orders of someone else (if you know what I mean).

Change the way you think

1. The most important factor in becoming more assertive is to change the way you think. Allow yourself to stand up for what you believe, what you think is right, and don't think about what others think. For example, if someone tries to copy your presentation or says they've done the work you've done, don't allow it. Change the fact that you let others walk all over you and stand up for yourself!

1. We all want to be nice, but it's better to be really good. Assertiveness can be the key to this. Assertiveness can help you gain confidence. It can also help you really show how much you care about other people. Also, it can provide you with great opportunities to strengthen your courage as you face things in life that might be a little scary. Assertiveness is the skill that makes 'nice' people 'really good' people.

1. Psychcentral.com/lib/5-tips-to-increase-your-assertiveness/

1. Agileleanlife.com/how-to-become-more-assertive/

1. Lifehacker.com/how-to-be-more-assertive-and-communicate-more-effective-1586157331